Doing it all is a delusion
A dispatch from 10 days out
My cookbook comes out in 10 days (!!!!!!) but pre-orders for signed / dedicated versions close on Tuesday, in case you’re shopping for mom or yourself! You can ship them anywhere in the US.
Hi everyone!
I am writing to you from Brooklyn. I was supposed to be in Paris this weekend, but I hit a point and never made my flight. I had given my apartment to friends and I’ve been staying with my boyfriend, which feels like a vacation, not just because of his playful spirit, but also because I am living on a tiny suitcase and the weather finally calls for 2 iced coffees a day.
In the past two weeks I have gone to five brand events, three book launches, recorded four podcasts in person, went to the office with the team every single day, and finalized the details of my book tour (which we will announce next week). I also spent four hours buying plants and gardening (from 6 to 8am). I exercised three times (lower than average). I visited three apartments, applied for two, got zero. I sent my Substack on time. Our Ghia team is just seven humans, selling in more than 5,000 accounts. It is ~ too much! ~
I say this not to promote a toxic hustle culture, quite the opposite. I've been thinking a lot about how we glamorize doing it all, and how maybe we do that because we know it's impossible. We are bound to fail, not just because time has limits, but because by trying to do it all we enjoy none of it at all, hence losing it all along the way.
I attended a really fancy book launch party for Emma Grede's Start With Yourself at Tory Burch's house. The Substack I want to write is her apartment tour, but I think it is weird to take pictures of people's houses without asking, and I was not about to ask. So I'll let you wander around this house tour instead. Emma does it all. She has a hot husband, a beautiful family, house, career. She seems to be genuinely fulfilled. And still, the WSJ ran her book under this headline: "The Kardashian Whisperer Who Says Three Hours With Her Kids Is Enough." It is a bummer that women cannot win. To quote the great Taylor Swift: "They want to see you rise. They don't want you to reign."
Still, the best part of going out is going home, and the best part of my week was arranging the little garden on Adam’s roof at sunrise with a fresh pot of coffee and sleepy eyes. My biggest influence these days is my boyfriend — who always navigates complex moments with poise and grace. As I have been thinking about how hard it is to fulfill every expectation society has placed on us, I have a lot of compassion, too, for men being asked to be strong all the time. Doing it all is a delusion!
On a lighter note, Adam is also my vintage Levi’s guru. He took me to Front for my first pair and patiently waited while I tried on maybe twenty. I got a darker, slimmer bootcut pair at Aazar on my last trip to Mexico City, but he outdid himself by showing up in a pair of off-white vintage Levi’s Orange Tabs, and I have never, in my life, wanted anything more. My guy.
As humbling as it is, there is something exciting about apartment hunting in New York. It forges the character. Each visit is a fork in the road, the set for the next chapter of my life. I love the possibilities. Especially if I find a place I can move into with my love. Will we cook on the roof? Will our friends come over? Who will be our neighbors?
This week we also went from freezing to furnace. Summer crept up so fast, and I realized that all the things I had wanted to do by now (laser on my face! laser on my body!) I did not do. Cue these gifts from the ShopMy gods: a tanning set, a magical body oil that is now my go-to gift for mom and all friends, and an at-home laser removal device. The first two I highly endorse. The last one I admit is still sitting under my desk.
For those of you attending weddings this summer, there is a very good limited time 30% off evening edit at CO. I got this dress. Vestiaire is also a trove for clutches and all hidden gems like this.
A couple months of waiting paid off, and I got an exciting “back in stock” for Sezane’s suede 70s trousers. I have worn my baskets from the collection as laptop bags ever since getting them, and am loving the playful, boho energy of their Spring collection (dare I say, a tad sexier!). I got this top (but also really love this one) and this really fun pink t-shirt, which has made every blah outfit feel fun and spring-y.
suede 70s pants - merino silk crew - deep v-neck striped pants - strawberry droplet necklace - green bra - bandana - beaded sandals - my favorite digestion tea - pillows. And if you’re in a hunting mood, it’s sales on top of sales at both Mytheresa and Net-A-Porter - it helps that I compulsively “heart” things to write this Substack. Last year’s dream-list is today’s affordable treasure: I’m here for past season Isabel, terry coverup, this Sacai sweater!, so, many, shoes (and at MT, so much eveningwear).
There are quite a few of you here now, and I want to say thank you. I opened my eyes today, way too early, and leaned out the window to look at happy New Yorkers in
t-shirts, and I thought: how lucky I am to have all these happy things fill up my life, to the very, very brim!
Cheers to doing a little less and enjoying it more.
Happy Sunday!
Melanie
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You CAN live without an oven if you have a great toaster oven/air fryer, so long as you don't have to cook for more than 4. The light in that apartment might be worth it.
Damn!!!!!! This was really good. I enjoyed reading this thoroughly.